As I cleaned the memory of my laptop of garbage works, I found this particular one, which made me laugh and decided to share it. It was supposed to be the story of Azure- maybe one day I'll go back to her...but for now, enjoy!
(Warning: this publication may content strong language for minors under 18, so parental supervision is advised.)
From Azure at midnight
“Step away from the bacon… slowly. And maybe…just maybe… you might make it out of this alive. And in one piece.”
A whimper left his lips, “But-But…it’s my bacon.”
Hadn’t he uttered a single complain about resigning his bacon to me, I might have been pushed into believing he had tampered with the food, in the hopes of poising me and saving all his future bacon. Still…he was delaying the inevitable here. I wanted that bacon. No. Scratch that…I needed it. A raised brow, “Umm. Is it? Is it, really? ‘Cause I’m certain that it is mine.”
Trembling lower lip. “But…but…I paid for it.”
The impudence of this man had no boundaries, “Let my appreciation for the gesture be duly noted. Now back the fuck off.” I growled back at him. I managed to learn how to growl very early in live. There are kids who’d secretly feed their dogs under the table. I was most definitely not one of those idiots when a child, hell no, I growled back at my dog-Tarzan-to beat it from under the table or else…
Xander’s vibrant baby blue eyes widened. Blink, blink, just like an owl. “Ok…Suzie, you are scaring me.”
Narrowed eyes, triangle hands position- just like Mr. Burns. “It seems to me that I am not doing such a great job, since your fork is still close to my bacon. So let me make this perfectly clear for you. If you so much as make a false move for my bacon, I will stab you with your own fork.” At his frown I decided to expound on my reasoning, not that I should for it ought to be obvious, really. I blame his mother for dropping him when a baby, not that I have proofs besides moments like this…but I was as certain as one can be without having any proofs. “I’d use mine but we don’t want to go spreading germs around, you know. It’s more hygienic to just use yours.”
A cringe, “Uhhhh. Thank you?”
I tsked, “You illiterate, ingrate. Just because of that I will use my own fork and give your immune system a run for its money. Let’s see how you’ll like that.” I threatened with fork in the air.
A deep intake of air. “This is not worth a trip to the hospital. Here. Take it. Take it all, you bottomless pit.” He finally handed the plate over to its rightful owner.
I scoffed in disgust, “And that’s exactly why you don’t deserve it, Xander. Bacon is worth anything. I keep telling you. You are not paying its due respect. One day…one day, bacon will replace money as our currency. Just wait and see.”
“You are such a freak.” He hissed, making an effort to shadow his face with his hand. Obviously trying his best not to being seen with the likes of me. Just because of that, I’ll be louder and crasser.
I smiled trough a mouthful of bacon. “I take that as a compliment. So thank you.” I made sure he could see the food in my mouth.
“Such a lady.” He snapped angrily, shoving a napkin my way.
I refused it and wiped off my mouth with the back of my hand, “Haven’t you read the latest Cosmo? Femininity is out. Pmsing, bacon eater females are in. Try to keep up, will ya.”
“Yes… I can barely help these alien feelings, well, attraction if I am to be honest, that I am experiencing toward you, and I’m gay!— imagine that. It’s like…I want to rip off your clothes, throw you on this same table on which we eat and dry hump your leg and work my way up like a nervous Chihuahua. Seriously. Can’t you tell that I am fighting it with all that I am? For this would change our friendship forever.” He said all of this with a straight face.
I gave him a helpless shrug, “I know. I am sexy like that. But I’ll tell you what. Buy me another order of bacon, and we will go later tonight for some drinks-on me, of course- and then we could French kiss the hell out of each other and blame it on heterosexual curiosity-on your part, duh— and high levels of alcohol—that would be on le me… I will even go as far as granting you limited access to my boobs. You know you like them. Not that I blame you. They are truly beautiful.”
He nodded supportively, “You are right. Your tits are ah-mazing. But if you want me to buy you another serving, then I demand touch plus play.”
I pretended to think it through, “You draw a hard bargain, Xander, but I accept. But before I put out, though, show me the bacon.”
Not being able to hold it in any longer, we finally burst out laughing when the scratch of a throat that, if judging by the rawness of the sound, must have dried up during the time when Tutankhamen was alive. I craned my neck so to be able to see around Xander’s black haired head, and sure enough, in the table across from ours there was a judgmental glare that matched the sound the woman emitted.
I assessed the intruding woman with a passing glance, after all there wasn’t that much to look at. If I were her, I would try and not get murder without an ID on me, for she would be one of those cases labeled as a Jane Doe-a.k.a. the bitchy owner of non-descriptive features; not that I would ever say this at loud, mind you, these people might misinterpret my well intended advice as a death threat. Which it wasn’t. I was just playing with the possibilities.
Tossing her bland brown hair over her shoulder, “You do realize that we can hear everything you two are saying from over here, right?” The fastidious woman spat out. With all that concentrated hate, I short of expected to find a certain killing shine in the depths of her eyes, but no, there was none. Just insipid, dull, brown eyes.
Xander made the let me take this one gesture, so I backed off, this wasn’t our first rodeo. “Well, now that you mention it, that is mighty rude of you, considering you were not invited to partake of this conversation.”
She gasped dramatically, her hand going for her chest, “How dare you!”
